Live.to.the.point.of.tears

I spend 50% of my day writing books, 25% of my day thinking about what I'm going to eat next, 12% of my day chilling with my dog, 8% of my day bitching, 3% of my day drinking wine, and 2% of my day lamenting the fact that I'll never have abs like Marisa Miller. That might not even add up to 100%, I don't know, I don't really like math.

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Say hello {bblove.tumblr @gmail.com}

Grazi mille {A thousand thanks}

Thank you so much to everyone who voted, told friends and contacted me to say good luck. I ended up with about 3,900 votes — so great!

I will let you know what happens … but I just wanted to say thanks.

PS, Would you still be my friends if THIS had been my main photo? Ha! I couldn’t resist …

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Dec
16th

Wed

Fuckyeahsports

Brother: Are you going to be in town Sunday?
Me: No, I'll be in Scottsdale, why?
Brother: Bummer, I'm coming down for the Chargers game.
Me: Awesome!
Brother: Did you know Chad OchoCinco got fined $30,000 for wearing a poncho and a sombrero after he scored.
Me: Did you know Lebron ate some dude's french fries after he dunked on two defenders.
Brother: Did you know Flozel Adams only got fined $50,000 for punching someone in the face like, that same day.
Me: Did you know OchoCinco doesn't even mean 85 in Spanish.
Brother: So awesome. I'm going to make a sign for the game.
Me: It better say, CHILD PLEASE.
Brother: Yup.

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Is it weird that the best song to do yoga to is the 50 Cent "In Da Club"/Nine Inch Nails "Closer" remix??

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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

… but obviously, you didn’t wanna stick around …

Kate Nash, Merry Happy

Watching me like you never watch no one
Don’t tell me that you didn’t try and check out my bum
Cause I know that you did
Cause your friend told me that you liked it

Gave me those pearls and I thought they were ugly
Though you try to tell me that you never loved me
I know that you did
‘Cause you said it and you wrote it down

Can’t take back those hours
But I won’t regret
‘Cause you can grow flowers
From where dirt used to be

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Future Plans (based on ideas)

nedhepburn:

upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, popular film actress Natalie Portman spots me from the window of her motorcade and says “thats the guy i want playing my romantic lead in the new movie ‘Tacos And Drinking’ that i am also casting”. this catapults me from near obscurity and abject poverty to worldwide superstar.
upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, popular Korean singer ‘Rain’ sees me and says “he is clearly a fucking genius and i shall ask him to play my best friend in my new movie ‘An Asian Guy And His Best Friend Who Is Mistaken For An Asian Guy Sometimes’. this will lead to tonsoffuckingmoney.
upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, Jesus Christ will appear before me saying “ok, i’ve got the rough draft for the New New Testament, can you do a rewrite, punch it up a little?”. i do a rewrite of The Bible and get writers credit and three magic wishes. i use one of the wishes to turn all of Los Feliz into my own personal Bulldog / Skateboard sanctuary. i use the other two to stop ‘ringtones’ and ‘bad narrative’, respectively.
upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, every single one of my ex girlfriends calls me and says “i was wrong, you were right, and here’s a bunch of money”. they tell me of a plan they’ve hatched about a Broadway revue of their time with me, sort of a Vagina Monologues With Dick Jokes thing, which of course goes on to win tonsoffucking Tony awards. i get to move to New York and wear scarves indoors and everyone thinks i am very intellectual and i get invited to tons of dinner parties, as-to-which i get incredibly fat and sassy, like Orson Welles.
upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, Sarah Palin punches herself in the uterus like a prized boxer while walking down Melrose Avenue, singing the words to ‘My Way’, with a large parade behind her marching into total silence. the FOX News satellite falls from the sky directly onto an American Apparel store.
upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, someone invents the teleportation machine from The Fly, and ask popular tween icon Miley Cyrus to be the first one to try it. as it turns out, someone has left a pair of leggings in there with her, and Miley Cyrus is turned into a pair of singing leggings.
upon me exiting the coffee shop right now, David Sedaris taps me on the shoulder and says “i need a writing partner, and you’re a fucking genius and by the way heres a ton of money” and then we hang out and get witty and get paid for it.

THIS YEAR. BE OVER.

OK, I’m not Dave Sedaris or Jesus but this is so awesome Ned. Also, I wholeheartedly second the last line, but not before I win a lucrative modeling contract that allows me to stay living in San Diego, quit my desk job, write and do yoga all day, and zero-calorie breakfast burritos are invented. POOF.

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erotumblr:feelingfeisty:tattoosandcupcakes: sometimesyouleave

Now that I have your attention …

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