Live.to.the.point.of.tears

My lifelong love, the Arizona Wildcats, play my alma mater, Vanderbilt, at 4. If-inglovecollegebasketballseason. Give it to me.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:03:10 -0800

I’ve died and gone to dress heaven. Metallic leather dress...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:55:39 -0800

I’ve died and gone to dress heaven.

Metallic leather dress by Karl Lagerfeld.

{via}

"My boss just told us we could leave at noon, and then pigs flew and unicorns hugged each other...."

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:35:00 -0800

“My boss just told us we could leave at noon, and then pigs flew and unicorns hugged each other. Happy Thanksgiving!”

One time I ate a breakfast burrito at 3 a.m. on the night of Thanksgiving dinner. True.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:08:45 -0800

(via loveyourchaos) Wheeeee … So happy to be going home...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:08:30 -0800

(via loveyourchaos)

Wheeeee … So happy to be going home to see family and friends … and eat stuffing.

Adore this song … Lenka, Dangerous and Sweet

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:08:26 -0800

Adore this song …

Lenka, Dangerous and Sweet

Puppy and coffee. Pretty much.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:07:56 -0800

Puppy and coffee. Pretty much.

The Hunter Dixon collection is what I would design if I could...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:57:52 -0800

The Hunter Dixon collection is what I would design if I could design …

sportsinstilettos: CAN’T WAIT to see this movie! Ditto. I...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:35:53 -0800

sportsinstilettos:

CAN’T WAIT to see this movie!

Ditto. I get tears in my eyes every time this preview comes on.

Go read the incredible excerpt from this book from the New York Times. THAT is why I love writing and why I love sports so much.

Redefining Yourself & "Five Mistakes That Changed My Life"

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:12:00 -0800

I found this piece, “Five Mistakes That Changed My Life,” by Julie Wainwright, former CEO of Pets.com, a year and a half ago. For whatever reason I didn’t blog about it at the time, although it greatly affected me, to the point that I have thought about it many times since then and even referenced it in one of my books. It came to mind immediately after reading this post by DecoyBetty.

This question of how you define yourself is so incredibly important to being happy. Do you define yourself with qualities that can change or falter over time, such as being “pretty” or “the problem-solver.” Do you define yourself through things largely outside of your control, such as a relationship or a job?

At the time that I stumbled across Julie Wainwright’s article, I was trying to come to terms with the idea that the relationship I had worked so hard for might not go forward. I felt I had done everything I could, fought as hard as I could, made all the internal changes I could. Reading Julie’s piece, I saw a clear example of the exact kind of woman I am: Intelligent, creative, problem-solving, headstrong — but still, somehow, afraid to entirely put myself out there career-wise because of a fear of failure. Her company’s subsequent failure, with her at the helm, reinforced those fears. I saw myself in that so much. In my relationship, I was going through the same fear — helplessness, a sense that so much hard work had failed, not wanting to start over. I read this piece and I recognized that building your self-image on a job, a lover, a fleeting quality, makes for very unstable ground. You have to redefine yourself as more than a few bullet points in order to stay happy, motivated and fulfilled.

For me, how I define myself has been an ongoing process. For years I have sort of prided myself on being the blunt, sailor’s mouth, “love me or hate me” type of girl who says whatever she wants. I know this can come off as abrasive. I remember reading my 8^th grade yearbook and counting the number of people who used the word “bitch” in their messages to me. At age 13. I think I’ve tried to smooth this out over the years … with minor to moderate success. I enjoy having a strong personality, being outspoken, sarcastic, and a little bit snarky. But I don’t want to define myself as a bitch. This is just admitting you can’t change for the better — or won’t.

I define myself with things that are constantly deepening … writer, creative, loving, intelligent, outspoken, curious, a good friend. This is the concept of being “evolved” I refer to often — making mistakes, being honest with yourself, growing, being happier. I also don’t define myself based on my romantic relationships, or lack thereof. I realize now my life was not tied to my old boyfriend, I didn’t need to feel like I failed in any way, and that outcome doesn’t need to affect any future relationships.

Interestingly enough, that relationship was on its second go-round, and when I ended it the first time, I remember identifying with Fiona Apple’s Paper Bag: “’Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up.” I made those lyrics my MySpace quote. I felt that sentence so clearly defined me in relationships — the beautiful but difficult girlfriend you loved until it came crashing down, until one of you could no longer stand it. I had always thought of myself as trouble; my therapist in college told me I should stop making myself “the villain.” A huge thing for me has been to redefine how I am as a mate. As sexy as it might have sounded, I no longer see myself as the beautiful but poisonous daffodil, but someone loving and giving and fun and passionate. The new definition gives me confidence that I will find someone awesome and evolved (evolving), just like me.

If anything, how you define yourself opens you to possibilities and goals and prevents you from limiting yourself. Build your self-image on a strong foundation and your happiness can’t be taken away so easily.

{PS, Julie Wainwright’s article garnered so much attention that she turned it into a book about making mistakes and starting over … high five}

- - -

Five Mistakes That Changed My Life, by Julie Wainwright of SmartNow.com

I’m out meeting with the press right now to promote SmartNow.com and I’m getting quite a reaction. Not to the business, but to me. You see, it’s been awhile since I met with them, at least eight years. Many of the people in the press are same ones I met all those years ago. Many I don’t know. No matter if they knew me before or not, they all ask the same question: “What mistakes have you made and what have you learned from them?”

And this isn’t a normal “check-the-box” reporter question. This is a loaded question with heavy reference to my past, some would say my infamous past.

First some background, I was the CEO of Pets.com. In case you haven’t heard of it, Pets.com and its mascot, the Sock Puppet, became the symbol for the dotcom bubble and its subsequent bust. Some have even charged me personally with bringing down the U.S. economy. Pets’ short period of success was fueled by positive press about the company and myself. Pets received even more press when it failed.

As the public CEO, I failed, and it was a very public failure. In fact, I was labeled one of the biggest failures ever. How bad was it? I had people laugh in my face when I introduced myself for years after the company closed. It happened as recently as a year ago. A couple of people asked me what it felt like to be one of the best-known failures in the U.S. Most just walked away from me. One woman told me to my face that I was a loser. I could go on and on, but you get the point: I became a symbol for something greater than myself, and we aren’t talking puppet envy here.

What most people don’t know is that the very same week that Pets.com failed, my marriage of seven years failed as well. Actually, it had been failing for a long time. It became officially over that week. My husband decided to call it quits the day before I announced to the employees and the public markets that I was shutting down Pets. It was a really bad week.

Now, I would like to tell you that I was down but not out. That I just brushed myself off and got on with life. I didn’t. At first, I kept myself hyper-busy. That lasted for about three months. Then, I sank into a depression. I’m sure I was in shock for a long time. It was a very dark, confused time in my life. I kept pushing myself to get back to normal. That didn’t happen. I never got back to myself. I became better than I was.

Note that it is almost seven years since Pets.com failed. Mystics might say I am entering a new seven-year cycle. I kind of think that’s true because I believe there are universal laws and truths. I do know I have been on a journey. I have taken stock of the five big mistakes I have made in my life and fought my way through. I’m sure I’ll make some more big mistakes in the future, but hopefully I won’t make the same ones again.

If you have made your own mistakes and are not sure how to get on with your life, perhaps my reflections will help you. And if you make mistakes in the future, I hope my lessons help you in some way and that you will learn from your humanness and not slip slide into a dark place for long.

Mistake 1: I allowed others to define me. I completely defined myself as a failure, as the press did. I read every negative thing said about the company in the press and on message boards. Many were personally directed at me. Needless to say, the new people and jobs I attracted during this time of my life reinforced my negative self-image. None of these people are in my life today.

How I moved on: I got tired of and bored with living in the past. I took stock of myself and decided that I know myself better than others. I am the only one who has taken my
journey. I came to recognize that most reactions to me were not personal. I knew at some intrinsic level that my active participation in letting others define my failed past would be carried into my future. I didn’t want to live my own version of the movie “Groundhog
Day.” I really wanted to heal. How could I have let others’ opinions of me define and engulf me in the first place? Well, that leads me to the second mistake.

Mistake 2: I built my image of myself on two main supporting planks. When those collapsed, I did too. What I mean is that I had defined myself as someone who was smart and could figure things out and also someone who was entering middle age as a married woman. The “smart” definition was fostered from my childhood. I was the oldest of four children with a mother who was ill and a father who worked long hours to make ends meet. Whenever I asked my parents a question, they would say: “You are smart, what do you think?” Believing I was smart helped me survive a hard family situation and still make top honors in school. I never bought into being a “pretty” girl; I was the smart one. But felt I was not smart enough for Pets.com. I failed publicly. After more than 20 years of good to great business successes, I had crashed and burned. The second way I defined
myself was as a married woman. I liked being married, belonging to a little tribe of two. That plank was yanked out from underneath me. Or perhaps I yanked both planks subconsciously to grow. In any case, both foundations were gone.

How I moved on: Where did this leave me? Lost. What did I do? I started looking for
what would feed my soul. I tried to get back to my essence, my best self. I love drawing and painting, so I started doing this again and working with art organizations. I love being around people who solve problems creatively, create art, think differently and express themselves uniquely. I rented funny movies—no kidding. I sought out laughter. I developed relationships with very loving people who laughed. I got involved in my community. I developed a few routines with those around me. This included spending time with a 70-something-year-old woman who vibrated with life and owned the local
coffee shop. And, slowly, I began to see myself as more than two key bullet points. I stopped labeling myself and saw those labels as false security. Oddly enough, I began to feel more secure.

Mistake 3: I stopped believing in myself. You can see how mistakes one and two would lead to the third. For a long time, especially as it came to my own career, I operated out of fear. Fear of failure. And I lived in that space for too long.

How I moved on: At some point last year, I decided that if I believed in myself then I had to invest in myself. I realized that if I didn’t invest in myself I couldn’t expect others to do it, either. I respond to visual goals, so I did a vision board: I took white poster board and I pasted pictures and phrases that represented my goals. The most prominent goal was investing in myself on all levels. I showed myself climbing the proverbial ladder and once again reaching for the stars. And when I had a good business plan in hand, I invested money in my own company. This is the first time I have started a company for myself.

Mistake 4: I stopped taking care of myself. I had gained weight over the years and stopped exercising. When Pets was collapsing, I started exercising again and the pounds had started to come off, so my physical health had started to improve. What I didn’t realize is that my emotional health was deteriorating. I did not recognize my own depression. For at least two years after Pets shut down, I didn’t care if I lived or died. I
never actively tried to kill myself; that would go against my Midwestern upbringing. I just didn’t care if I lived. I was also just starting to experience the first symptoms of peri-menopause, so I had to come terms with my own childlessness. I had curiously decided that if I was meant to have a child, then I would have gotten pregnant during my marriage. Not having children reinforced my indifference to life during this period. I didn’t have children to take care of, so what was the point? I was also angry. The anger came in waves.

How I moved on: I wish I would have been more proactive in my own mental health. I did not recognize my state of mind as depression. I mean, I wasn’t crying every day nor did I drive to the Golden Gate Bridge and contemplate jumping. I can honestly say the thought never entered my mind. But I was clearly depressed, and only years later did I realize how much I needed help. I should have seen a therapist and perhaps even gone on medication. I pulled out of this state because I started to see beauty again (see mistake two, which also shows the healing power of art in my life). Once I started seeing beauty, I wanted to see more of it. Once I learned to let go of the anger and fear, I wanted to thrive.

Mistake 5: Allowing my head to rule my heart. If I would have started with this item, it might have seemed too trite. But it isn’t. The head is the ego. Mine was shattered. I had to exercise my heart in order to heal.

How I moved on: To be honest, I’m not sure I have moved past this, but I am doing better. As I moved through the other mistakes and began to heal, I also began to see the world differently. I began to realize that I could be comfortable letting my heart make some decisions. And when those started showing a payoff, I allowed my heart to make even more decisions. Life is richer in the heart zone, but I’m too analytical to give up the head part. I’m just trying to find a better balance every day.

I have an insane urge to eat a Twinkie and see what happens.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:48:49 -0800

robot-heart:inspireplease Oh my god.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:47:15 -0800

robot-heart:inspireplease

Oh my god.

GET HELP: The 12-Step Douchbag Recovery Program

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:11:00 -0800

GET HELP: The 12-Step Douchbag Recovery Program

This is pretty much exactly what I want to wear for New...

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:10:46 -0800

This is pretty much exactly what I want to wear for New Year’s … a glittery, golden long-sleeved, skintight minidress.

{photo via a glamourous little side project}

Alas, the hot one was too stupid for words.

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:37:00 -0800

Him: Hi, I'm Noel.
Me: Hey. I'm -- let me spell it for you -- B, R, E, T --
Him: Wait, are you trying to get all smart on me? I'm the wrong guy to get all smart on.

Rawr.

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:31:27 -0800

Rawr.

jennabee: La Roux - Bulletproof Been there, done that,...

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:30:15 -0800

jennabee:

La Roux - Bulletproof

Been there, done that, messed around,
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet

Saturday night approaches: Let's review what we learned from yesterday.

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:57:50 -0800

Stand your ground and don’t give out your number if you don’t feel like it. If you must, give him a fake number, or, my personal favorite, give him your ex-boyfriend’s number.
Be direct and avoid awkward situations.
Don’t send mixed messages.
Maybe make out with less strangers.

"Understand she’s a force of nature Contraband hiding deep inside her soul A common man, he don’t..."

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:57:08 -0800

“

Understand she’s a force of nature
Contraband hiding deep inside her soul

A common man, he don’t stand a chance, no
Wonderland pulling Alice in the hole
No way to save someone who won’t take the rope
And just let’s go

Somewhere there’s a siren singing
A song only he hears
All the strength that you might think
Would disappear

”

- Pearl Jam, Force of Nature

robot-heart:inspireplease

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:12:36 -0800

robot-heart:inspireplease